All Jews Hate Lemons

Tuesday 1st November 2005

I've recently come to the conclusion that all Jews hate lemons, and that all Christians are hypocritical liars. The reasoning is shockingly simple, logical and straightforward, and I'm sure you'll be as dismayed as I am by the inevitable conclusions. Here we go:

1. Major religions define to a large degree what people are like and what their typical behavior is. That's why it makes sense to talk about 'the terrorist threat from Muslims' and similar. This must be true — almost all of our social commentators, journalists and politicians have been talking like this for several years.
2. The behaviour of a small minority reflects the true nature of the majority, and we can and should generalise from the more extreme and newsworthy examples of any subgroup to the group as a whole. This is again clearly supported by our social discourse: the small handfull of terminally damaged psyches that carried out the 9/11 or 7/7 attacks are almost universally agreed to represent 'the Muslim community'.
3. The state of Israel routinely bulldozes lemon trees in Palestine areas. Applying the well-accepted logic of our culture, it is obvious that all Jews hate lemons.
4. Tony Blair is an inveterate liar and a dedicated Christian. Therefore never trust a Christian, and make sure to ask the religious denomination of the staff when next you're opening a bank account.

QED!